Canis non grata

There’s the doghouse then there’s the ultimate doghouse: not being spoken to, in utter disgrace, can’t have pals around any more.

It’s been a sorry week.  Blotted my copybook by peeing on a stranger’s bowling bag then overnight I vomited and pooped without a warning bark that I was poorly.  She forgave me for that – can’t blame a sick dog, can you – but she was a bit perturbed when she later found another puddle in the same place after the sprog, here for lunch, stood in it.  I hadn’t asked to be out.

The clean-up, however, was not over.  After lunch my pal Chip and I were playing in the front room when, no idea what got into us*, we had a peeing competition against the floor-length curtains.  Screams all round, buckets of detergent, spray stuff and total banishment to the rainy yard for him and me.

My mum wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the day and says I can’t have pals visiting if we behave like street dogs.  It could not get any worse.  Canis non grata for the forseeable future.

  • Truffle’s mum here: presuming this was assertiveness/territorial behaviour.  But it’s absolutely not on.
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I put the ‘p’ in picnic…

I am in disgrace.  I may never be taken on a picnic again.  Mum prepared lots of lovely food so we could eat al fresco near a favourite pub and I messed up.  Big time.

It didn’t start well because I was so excited that I tugged her out of the car and hurtled towards the pub so fast that she couldn’t keep up and had to let go of my lead.  That’s a no-no.  I’m still head down in embarrassment when we sat down and, with all the stress, had to relieve myself.  NOT against the table she yelled.  Oops, another mistake.

IMG_1560She put the picnic bag down on the grass and started on her drink while I perused the other people and their dogs.  Then it happened – I don’t know what got into me – I raised my leg again and peed against the picnic bag!  She was incandescent, snatched the bag and started yelling how I was a disgrace.  Seems there’s already a ‘p’ in picnic.

There was more.  The bag went straight in the washing machine when we got home but, while she took out the food containers, she forgot about the red paper napkins; they disintegrated in the wash and the bag came out covered in red blobs. I may have to lie low for some time.