Canis non grata

There’s the doghouse then there’s the ultimate doghouse: not being spoken to, in utter disgrace, can’t have pals around any more.

It’s been a sorry week.  Blotted my copybook by peeing on a stranger’s bowling bag then overnight I vomited and pooped without a warning bark that I was poorly.  She forgave me for that – can’t blame a sick dog, can you – but she was a bit perturbed when she later found another puddle in the same place after the sprog, here for lunch, stood in it.  I hadn’t asked to be out.

The clean-up, however, was not over.  After lunch my pal Chip and I were playing in the front room when, no idea what got into us*, we had a peeing competition against the floor-length curtains.  Screams all round, buckets of detergent, spray stuff and total banishment to the rainy yard for him and me.

My mum wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the day and says I can’t have pals visiting if we behave like street dogs.  It could not get any worse.  Canis non grata for the forseeable future.

• Truffle’s mum here: presuming this was assertiveness/territorial behaviour.  But it’s absolutely not on.

I’ve done it now…

Never known my mum so mad.  I’m locked away in the back room with my bed and a bowl of water, no biscuits, no loves.

The morning didn’t start well: my mum isn’t sleeping cos her back is hurting so she didn’t appreciate my enthusiastic greeting.  Or pulling on the lead.  Or trying to cross the road ahead of her.  Or losing my Chuck It ball.  Or getting sticky stuff on my head.

No, I kept the best till we arrived at the bowling green.  I’ve done a few runs then decide I need to relieve myself – against someone’s bowling bag.  If my mum hadn’t shrieked I doubt if any of the players would have noticed.  She was incandescent.

I was marched home peremptorily.  As we walked back it started to rain.  I expect that will wash the bowling bag…

Sticky stuff on my head.

The never ending trim

I need a trim, says my mum.  AGAIN???  Yes, I can tell by the hair sprouting out of your paws, she says.  Luckily, because there’s not too much regrowth and she’s getting the hang of it, we were done in about ten minutes.

It’s very hot today so she waited until the sun had moved then set to.  Even so, she was boiling by the time she’d finished so we retreated inside.  The cats have been indoors all afternoon, snoozing on human beds.  I’m not allowed to do that, huh, not even with all that hair removed.